friday on my mind

every time the man-wife goes away i loose the outlet for my sadistic tendencies and as a result, others tend to suffer in his place. it's now been 1 week and i'm happy to say, i've only caused one person to temporarily loose their self confidence and question their role-fit. my peers have recognized my efforts in keeping this to a minimum and I was rewarded with a sausage & egg mcmuffin. nice pays off.

which reminds me, i haven't mention the ideas club.

the absence of estrogen often results in men failing to observe significant relationship milestones and from "proactively" thinking of things to do on the weekend that demonstrate their desire to be with their significant other. whilst the former can be addressed thanks to calendar reminders and setting passwords to key dates, the latter is often neglected. last week while sowing seeds of doubt into man-wife's relationship with his GF, i came up with the idea that men in the office could pool our ideas together and make a subscription based website which emails out 1 random idea every week, complete with a list of instructions on how to make a weekend with the missus a hit. site rules would require every member to submit at least 1 idea that they've either had (or stolen) and used with success (this is measured by continuation of relationship and associated benefits). this is so going to my good ideas file.

back to this week, work have realized that I have managed to go the better part of the year with minimal additional training. since maintaining the illusion of support is very important, i was assigned a course which i should have done 3 years ago. the course included a diverse mix of people including:

• guy who described his major concern at present was the loss of a 90 million dollar deal last week (yes that does sting a little, i asked how exactly that felt) and discussed a deal he closed worth $52 million like you or I would talk about the weather
• girl who cited not having a headset to make calls as her major concern and talked (for a good 30 minutes) as if she were a walkman with low batteries.

a great networking opportunity.

classroom training reminds me of school. as such, i revert to rebellious teen who doesn't like to participate in group activities that are designed to demonstrate simple concepts and tend to giggle at everything that can be remotely linked to something sexual. this process is not made easier by the female version of me sitting adjacent whispering "scrotum" at random times throughout the day. training material that included conversation such as "it's going to be hard" and "i think you'll enjoy it more if it rigid" were the source of much amusement. at one point mid-lecture when i was contemplating severing a major artery with the leftover spork from lunch, female me whispers "i need to pee really bad but we can't leave". i'm saved. i spent the next 30 minutes slowly pouring water from a bottle into a cup until she cracked and excused herself. the trainer, Heir Pashmina, expressed her disapproval with the classic over the glasses glare, interpreted "selecting one person at random" as "one of you two" for every exercise or question over the 3 days and is probably still typing a report card to send to my parents at this very moment.

i did however get the opportunity to pick the training that i'll attend next year. 2 out of 3 require an all expense paid trip somewhere and 3/3 are known to end days with a drinking session.

booyah.

/fin