heavily medicated

i am dying.

summer flu (or spring in this case) is the worst. it's nature's way of saying "remember how smug you were in winter when you didn't get the flu?"

after spending the last couple of days housebound and sounding like a crack-whore i went into the office determined to will myself better. soon after arriving i decided that coughing and passing out was an ineffective use of company time and went home for some manly recuperation time (RATs hot-chocolate with marshmallows with a side order of soap opera and Entertainment Tonight)

some pseudo-ephedrine induced moments on the way home:

realized that my breathing and walking changes significantly when i go past the blind guy who asks for donations. i firmly believe that he can recognize me with his other heightened senses and will ask me directly if he senses my presence. i would feel compelled to give money, so instead i have developed skills that would make a ninja jealous. yep, going to hell

coming up to a pedestrian crossing i noticed a policewoman stopping traffic as the lights were out. this immediately made me nervous as im conscious that i never use the lights and that i would be someone's bitch if i ever went to jail. when i arrived and was the only person who wanted to cross, she casually said "cross whenever you want". entrapment. thanks to my finely honed frogger skills i made it across and when i looked back to see if her weapon was drawn, all i could see was her asking a man my age to wait while she stopped traffic. the police force is against me.

this could be the energy drink combining with the pills causing me to see stuff, but as i type RAT's cockatiel is masturbating while mine watches from afar, clearly unimpressed. it's the first time i've seen him do this since last breeding season when he discovered it (and like most good men he proceeded to do it as much as physically possible). i feel uncomfortable and slightly dirty for watching

/fin