get onboard

im all for the planet, its a tops place (and as my t-shirt says, its where i keep all my stuff) but im not satisfied that the government is doing enough to make it a little bit easier for those of us that like to wash our hair and don't own any tie-dyed clothing. i feel somewhat justified in not voting now.

public transport is a great idea but we need some laws passed to ensure a civil time is had by all. listen up hippies:

• passengers may not smell like b/o unless its after 5pm. passengers found to be smelling like a bum just peed in their armpits early morning on a monday will not be permitted travel. after 5pm, b/o is permitted however for the comfort of other passengers please keep your arms at your sides at all times.
• all mobile phones are to be switched off at all times. passengers are reminded that talking loudly on your phone makes you look like a wanker and is as socially acceptable as a fart in church
• passengers on the isle are required to acknowledge a window seat passenger's civil right to freedom and allow them to exit the vehicle upon request.
• passengers found to be using a $100 note for a $2.50 fare will be subject to on the spot fines totaling $97.50. Debating the "im not a bank" rule will result in summary execution
• failure to count and prepare the 300 small coins required for the fare prior to boarding will result in a transit officer using the change in question to fill a sock which will be used to bludgeon the offender repeatedly

/fin