two tickets please

im about to go to the movies, so expect the following:

• i will insist on going much earlier then is necessary to get tickets before the queue starts. the ticket person will give me a confused look and think im there for the earlier session
• i will clutch onto my ticket and check it every 5 minutes as if it were a replacement heart for my dying child
• i will not get popcorn at the same time, it might go cold, so ill queue up 10 mins before the movie starts to ensure its that the popcorn which has been there all day is as fresh as it can be. yes, i am aware that you can also buy your ticket at this time
  
• i will buy a large something combo out of fear that I could starve to death during the 90 minute movie, however if there is a collector something thats half the size and double the price i'll get that instead
• i will play time crisis and show RAT that i do indeed have, mad skills
• i will via a series of loud sighs express distaste for those people who will inevitably come in late, put their ass in my face as they excuse their ignorance while stepping on my feet

/fin

iBus

it's b/o o'clock and I'm on a bus. i cant identify where that pee smell is coming from. gogo public transport

/fin

i am your god

i think i am a superhero, possibly even a small time diety. here's proof:

i'd smite you with:

electricity. i have spent the last 3 weeks providing static shocks to a variety of people and metallic objects. people have become wary of shaking hands with me. oddly enough i can't seem to shock the one girl paranoid about it, is she the chosen one? i also know when a tv is on mute in the room, even if i cant see it - this may be related. also new pants, wooly socks and my sloppy footwork when walking may be related.

i know your secrets:

i dreamt last week that i met the mother of a colleague who i barely interact with. during this meeting she revealed she had ovarian cancer. although i was concerned that i might have to electrocute my colleague if she thought i was crazy, the next day she confirmed her mother has cancer, specifically ovarian and that they had found out last year. take that non-believers

i sense your pain:

one afternoon i overheard on the radio that a girl had been hit by a car, declared dead and then revived. I instantly knew who it was. granted i lived in a state with only half a million people, but those odds are still pretty awesome

i cannot be killed:

i once survived a near death experience. a falling tree snapped high tensile wire, causing it to whip past my neck so close it near burned my skin. this should have decapitated me, however the wire coiled just before hitting me. my uncle who was responsible for chopping down the tree in the first place must have prayed a little that night.

i'm prophetic

i've always had the sneaking suspiscion that im going to die of some brain related issue in my mid-30s, possibly a tumor. i'll be saying "i told you so" after i've ascended to a higher plane of existence

/fin