obey the red man

as i sat at my desk eating my breakfast and pondering if taking sleep-ezy pills at 6:30am would result in a relaxing day, it occurred to me that putting effort into planning a lazy day was somewhat ironic. the plan looked something like this:

• conduct a coaching session with a dependent with sufficient self awareness to identify their own development needs so i could sit and nod.
• insert cup of tea and kitchen chat
  
• clean my desk. as a guy, this means piling up paperwork, putting everything at 90 degree angles and wiping down the empty desk space which is roughly the size of a post-it
• insert cup of tea and kitchen chat
• sit back during afternoon meeting and watch the construction going on outside

a brilliant plan that still gave the impression that i'm working hard for the money.

this plan was ruined by dependents crying "hey i cant login to....". being part of a multi-national we of course have our own tech support team available 24 hours. fortunately for support, dependent's don't call them directly using the numbers plastered all over the place as this would require independent thought. instead, they relay error messages such as

• you cant login. check your supervisor
• the server cannot be used
• the server you are using cannot be used
• verification filed

all of which are extremely helpful albeit not endorsed by the manufacturer. although we were potentially losing millions of dollars i carried myself with an air of confidence and calmness, so much so that people were able to ask me useful questions such as "hey did you get a chance to read that email I sent 1.3 seconds ago about getting some time off in 2014?"

after hours of online chats with the 20 odd people it takes to fix anything, taking calls from people who wanted to ask the same question they had asked seconds before in the online chat, the problem was solved and my lazy day could begin.

after a quick run around to obtain kudos for saving the day, i decided to take a trip to the pharmacy to reassure myself that taking a pill is a good substitute to regular exercise and eating right. as i stood at the lights considering if i'd actually taken any life-saving vitamins in the last 6 months, a contender for Father of the Year appeared alongside. as i passed judgment on this leather-faced stranger and his child which bore an odd resemblance to dakota fanning, he proceeded to yell abuse at a woman driving past who was smoking in her car with a child in the front seat.

as i watched him cross the road through traffic with his child in tow despite the little red man's insistence, i couldn't help but notice the cigarette in his other hand and the smell of beer that followed him. winner.

/fin