i am your god

i think i am a superhero, possibly even a small time diety. here's proof:

i'd smite you with:

electricity. i have spent the last 3 weeks providing static shocks to a variety of people and metallic objects. people have become wary of shaking hands with me. oddly enough i can't seem to shock the one girl paranoid about it, is she the chosen one? i also know when a tv is on mute in the room, even if i cant see it - this may be related. also new pants, wooly socks and my sloppy footwork when walking may be related.

i know your secrets:

i dreamt last week that i met the mother of a colleague who i barely interact with. during this meeting she revealed she had ovarian cancer. although i was concerned that i might have to electrocute my colleague if she thought i was crazy, the next day she confirmed her mother has cancer, specifically ovarian and that they had found out last year. take that non-believers

i sense your pain:

one afternoon i overheard on the radio that a girl had been hit by a car, declared dead and then revived. I instantly knew who it was. granted i lived in a state with only half a million people, but those odds are still pretty awesome

i cannot be killed:

i once survived a near death experience. a falling tree snapped high tensile wire, causing it to whip past my neck so close it near burned my skin. this should have decapitated me, however the wire coiled just before hitting me. my uncle who was responsible for chopping down the tree in the first place must have prayed a little that night.

i'm prophetic

i've always had the sneaking suspiscion that im going to die of some brain related issue in my mid-30s, possibly a tumor. i'll be saying "i told you so" after i've ascended to a higher plane of existence

/fin